I am getting closer to the end of my first quarter. Rough assumption, I have lived around 30% of my life. Quiet much right? Quarter life crisis with its big questions running wild in my head more often, like ‘What should I do with my life?‘, ‘Will I get married one day?‘, ‘What God calls me to do in my life?‘, ‘How does it feel to be a Mom?‘, ‘What would I think when I am 40?‘. Googling on Huffington post or Thought Catalogs doesn’t really help. Well, I found the great tools to answer this anxiety of Quarter Life Crisis season in my youth day.
So, this past year I dive deep in St. Ignatius Loyola’s Discernment. It is a method The search is to answer the big life question : ‘What God wants me to do in my life?‘ Reading several Ignatian books and blogs *), doing book-guided Ignatian Examen **), repeating the Suscipe song in my playlist, day by day, I am drawn more and more into the Ignatian Spirituality.
Lately I ponder a lot in Ignatian Indifference. Simple explanation of Ignatian Indifference is not to choose wealth rather than poor, not to choose health rather than sick, but we choose what God really wants us to do. We are free to choose and are not under any prohibition. By having this kind of freedom from wanting this and that, from fulfilling certain standards people often create to their own life, I am opened to more possibilities. I arrive at a state where everything seems like an open door to me and I could just choose any. But currently I haven’t found the ‘drive‘ that competent or firm enough for me to really choose one. This journey of search, makes me so much eager to roll each of my days and review what had happened and what I feel every single day. So that I could perceive, I could read the pattern and I could understand what God wants me to do in my life. And I believe this is the main journey of life, a journey to find the meaning of our life.
**) Reimagining the Ignatian Examen by Mark E. Thibodeaux, SJ