22 Oct #Grateful25
Here I am arrived at another check point of my life. I am 25 years old finally. Few months before my birthday, I was quiet anxious about being 25. Reflective questions kept flying in my head, “How will 25 be like?“, “What will I do in my 25?” or something like “Oh, I think I have been infected by quarter life crisis syndrome, coz it’s exactly a quarter!” Actually, I am not that bothered to become older. I don’t think I am afraid to get old. In further reflections, I think I was just afraid to leave the youngster life of mine, get out of comfort zone and enter the real adulthood.
As the older I get, I always talk to myself, “It’s time to get serious with your life, in all aspect.” It’s time to change my old childish behaviour into someone who is more mature. Yeah, I always want to be mature. I am tired to be seen or to be underestimated as a lil kid. Not seldom, I randomly asked my friends whether I am a mature person or not. A friend’s words that I keep in my mind said that maturity is a daily process which won’t stop until we die.
As usual, I always create some reflection article of what has been done and what had happened in the past year. And seeing what I have been through through 24, I came to a conclusion that washed away my anxiousness.
What had happened when I was 24?
Twenty fourth year was awesome. I can say that the big dreams of my life have come true. It was started from the working abroad experience I had in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I was put in a Kuala Lumpur project from my office because the client is using the product that I master. So, I flew solo to Kuala Lumpur to be in a real professional project, real scary banking client, the senior partners and multicultural work environment. For several months, I kept visiting Kuala Lumpur. So far, I have visited KL for 6 times. At the beginning, KL was interesting, it was as exciting as a journey to a new place I have never visited before. At the fifth visit, I was talking to myself, “Man, I can come to KL with my eyes closed.”
One of the side effects for not being at home for many weeks is the loosen control and supervision from my parents. Yeah, for several weeks I was pushed to stand on my feet alone and my parents unwittingly had to let me go and finally felt how it feels to be without their only daughter at home for several nights. I started to live the life I want to live, I build my own life in a new place. I slowly build life from zero, from knowing no place at all, to memorizing some roads, from having no one there, to starting have some friends there. I was quiet scared at the beginning, but later I felt that to build life from zero isn’t that bad!
Another big dream that had come true is the World Youth Day that I joined last July. It was once in a life time experience. It was also my first time to visit Europe (I always believe that I will go to Europe one day and it has come true). Together with 3 millions young people, we had pilgrimage during the Year of Mercy, in the land of mercy, It’s the origin of the Divine Mercy of St. Faustina’s and also the homeland of my beloved St. John Paul 2. Poland itself is a very beautiful country with remarkable history. I got many new friends also from WYD and new families in Poland.
About my daily life, I am still in Domus Cordis community this past year. I joined several apostolates, such as Flamma Publishing, Flamma Cordis and Inspire. Involved in community life brings some colors in my life. We work for something profound : to inspire the world in Christ. I am also in a progress of making an apps for DC, I hope this one can be made true and can be useful for the community. Besides work and ministry, I seriously enrolled fitness membership. I take more serious sport to keep my body works well. After several months of regular work out, I can feel my body is healthier and my lower back pain has rarely come up again. More than just breaking physical limit, I was forced to break the weak mentality that I had before. I start to encourage myself when I am super tired, not just accepting the fatigue I feel during the exercise. The harder exercise that I do, the stronger I will be. It is applicable not just to physical exercise, but also for the whole aspect of life. I feel like I am stronger, physically and mentally and spiritually.
What would you do in 25?
I cope the quarter life crisis syndrome that made me anxious with a new spirit in my heart and in my mind. It’s a spirit of being grateful. I really really should be grateful to God for all the fulfilled life I had until now. As a realization of being grateful to God, and in order to live the adulthood better, I decided to try in every moment in my life, in every situation, to put what others’ needs above my personal needs. I am 25, I am enough with my ego. It’s time to really live for others. I guess this might be a good exercise of self-giving, before I enter the real total self-donation calling in marriage life. Yeah, I am making myself ready to accept God’s calling since I am single.
As the true gratefulness I have, I plan to grow in more trust to God. For He has been so faithful in my life. He gives exactly everything that I ever wanted this 24 years. I have no reason not to trust the rest of my life to Him. By trusting Him, I open myself to do whatever and to be wherever He wants me to, because He wants. And to know what He wants in my life, the only thing I can do is to stay close to Him. Thanks God that the older I am, the more I feel I need to be close to Him and to really put Him in the center of my life. Therefore, I plan to have more regular daily Mass and Rosary.
Talking about the Rosary, I would also be closer to Mother Mary. For me personally, she is the perfect model of womanhood. She is the best woman that God created. I start adoring her more. Because the older I get, the more I enjoy my womanhood, the more I want to be pretty, the more I want to be a woman, the more I thank Him for creating me as a woman. As I enjoy being a woman for my Groom, Jesus, I keep praying this simple prayer at each new day of mine, “Romance me, o, God.” or “I am ready to be romanced by You today.” By being romanced by God, I am making myself to accept more of God’s love. As the popular Ignatian song said, “Give me only Your love and Your grace, that’s enough for me.”
Yes, His love is enough for me. Nothing else I need. I really have no personal plan for my 25. In a way, yes, I am clueless of what ahead. But I am giving space for God to write His story in my life. I won’t draw my own line anymore, I won’t go my own way anymore. Active surrender might be the best words for this. For me, active might means to be vulnerable, not to pull back or passive or even reject the things He might bring to us when we surrender our life to Him.
So, I think, the most suitable Bible verse for this year is from John 3:30, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”
Happy 25 to me! Enjoy the groundless steps, because your hands are holding Him tight.