“How do I ask a girl to be my girlfriend?” is one of the timeless questions that guys face over generations. Some common tips are:
- “Just be yourself”
- “Never take ‘no’ for an answer”
- “Take her to an expensive restaurant”
- “You have to be manly and confident”
- and many more….
So, what is common on the tips above? They are 1-sided.
Relationship, and eventually marriage, is always 2-sided. God created man and woman for better or for worse. Therefore, the mutual consideration of both the guy and the girl is very important. Manipulation tactics are short lived, and a great relationship is made when the couple makes a decision to commit to each other – through their own free will.
Asking a girl to be in a relationship is always difficult. However as guys (and girls too), the art of difficult conversations is a must. During your relationship and marriage, you will endure various things that are “for worse”. Things such as where to settle, how to spend money, where to go on holiday and many others, need to be discussed.
So, where do I start to learn this art of difficult conversations? Firstly, talk. We live in an era of Facebook, WhatsApp and social media that lacks social people-to-people interaction. It is uncommon to see guys asking the girl to be in a relationship over a single WhatsApp line… This is not okay, and opening your mouth is a simple step in the right direction.
Secondly, listen. It is common for people to talk-and-waiting-to-talk. If you are following the “convince her” or “never take ‘no’ for an answer”, you will talk-and-talk-and-talk. God created us to have two ears and one mouth for a good reason. You will need to listen to each others concern and talk about it with each other. It may be positive or they may not be so positive. It is okay, it is just a point of view.
Finally, be-a-man. A strong man dares to ask the girl for a relationship so he takes the burden of rejection on himself. This is the same tradition where guy lifts the heavy object for a girl. It could go well or not, and it is okay. Mutual respect and decision are crucial for love to grow. If she could not commit upfront, it is nearly impossible for the relationship to continue in the future.
So guys, spend some time to pray and reflect. The battle is often won before it starts. Adopting the right mindset is important to find the ‘compatible’ person and for you to become a better young person in Christ.
By : Albert Suryadi